Things not to say to a grieving mother

http://www.lifetimemoms.com/womens-health-wellness/blog/miscarriage-manners-ten-things-not-to-say-to-grieving-mother

Something I just found

Chasing Dreams

Life offend seems to get in the way of one chasing their dreams, and I am no different. I have dreamed for years to be able to be at home with my children. To be able to take care of them. That was the plan anyway. It was for me to stay home and raise Eli and TY; but life threw us a curve ball and Eli went to be with Jesus. For the past 6 months I have been staying home with Ty and chasing my dream of being a fitness Coach. (Being able to help other live a healthy life.) Now life is back at it again, and I am going to have to chase my dream a little less full-time. The blog that I had prepared for today I can not post for I will not be able to chase my dream like I had thought when I started just a few short months ago.

Because of life I am now looking to find full-time employment. Though I still don’t know how or of I will even be able to work full-time. There are still days when it takes everything I have to get out of bed and not cry all day long. I sometimes wish that life wasn’t so hard. That I could just wake up one morning and there be a little baby crying in a crib, and I would realize that this is all a bad dream, but that is never going to happen. Nothing is ever going to bring him back.

Would it be easier if I went back to work? Is the answer to all this is act like it never happened? I am having a hard time thinking that I would feel better if I just occupied my mind with things that do not matter to me. Yes the extra money in our account would be nice, but then I wonder if being away from Ty that much is really worth it.

I want more then anything to be closer to home, to our families. To be able to chase my dreams, of being a Stay at Home Mom and working successfully in the Fitness and Health Industry. So with hopes that God will help provide both one day I am going to tell you what it is that I am doing now.

I just a few months ago joined a company called Beachbody. Many of you might not know much about them but they are the creators of P90x, Insanity, Turbo Jam and many others. I started by simply doing one of their workouts Insanity and drinking there great Shakeology everyday. After about 30 days of just being their customer I started looking into becoming a Coach, it would be an opportunity for me to Chase my dreams.

Beachbody is changing my life each and everyday that I continue to use the products myself. My Blood pressure is now better then it has ever been, something that the doctors didn’t know if I could ever get under control with Medications again. I am down 20 lbs. and getting closer everyday to fitting back into the summer clothes from two years ago. Clothes I wondered everyday if I would ever be back in.

“Figure out what your purpose is in life, what you really and truly want to do with your time and your life; then be willing to sacrifice everything and then some to achieve it.  If you are not willing to make the sacrifice, then keep searching.” -Quintina Ragnacci

I am personally inviting all of you to join me in my fitness journey as I prepare to start another 60 days with Insanity. If you are ready to change your life I am here to help. I will give 100% of me if you will yourself 100%. When you are ready to learn more you can visit my websites:

Sorry but until I figure things out you will need to copy and paste into your browers

www.beachbody.com/nataliedowns

www.myshakeology.com/nataliedowns

Together We Can Make a difference in each others lives.

It never stops

After a pregnancy many things change in a women’s life, her body, her mind, her attitude, and her heart. These things are no different for a woman who has had a stillborn baby. We still had a baby and our bodies don’t act any different just because the baby is not here. Yet months after have the baby many people around you will almost forget what it is that you have went through. Simply because they do not have that constant reminder of a little baby that is with you to remind them that you went through this. It has been no different for me, I sometimes feel like people who look at me a differently if I was holding that little baby in my arms instead of where I have to hold him; (in my heart) where no one can see him.

Everywhere I seem to go these days I see little babies that are about the age that Eli would be. I can’t help but look at their mom’s and sometimes wonder what they did so right that they got to keep their baby. I even sometimes find myself listening in to the conversations that they are having with people in passing. They talk about things like loosing weight getting back to normal life, etc. The people that they are talking to often say things back to them like you are doing so good at loosing the weight, or your life will never be the same, or even your doing so good at adjusting to everything. It has been months since someone outside my immediate family as even asked about how I am doing, or bothered to take time out of their day to tell me how well I may seem to be doing with everything.

I kind of feel like I am complaining, but in a way I am not. I just want to be treated like any other new mom gets treated; yet because I do not get to carry Eli with me where everyone can see him they seem to forget. They seem to act like nothing ever happened.

I feel more lost and alone now then I did days and weeks after I lost him. Back then people wanted to be around me and talk to me about it. They tried so hard for me to not feel alone back then, and now it’s like everyone has just disappeared. Where did they go? What have I done wrong? Now I feel like I have not only lost my baby, but my friends, the ones who used to call, the ones who used to invite us to do things, the ones that used to just send random text to just see how my day is going.

Please if you get anything from reading this blog today. Remember that those around you who have lost a baby, may still be hurting. They will never stop grieving the lost of their child and that is ok. They do not have some contagious disease that you can catch. They need you in their life. They need you to remember their baby, you don’t have to say anything about their baby, just let them know you care. Let them know that you are there for them. They need you to treat them the same way you would have if their baby was here.

If you know someone who has had a stillbirth baby do something for them at random. Call them or text them just to see how they are doing.      

Bittersweet times

Something’s in life can be so bittersweet. Last night I got to take Ty out on a date, we went to a movie and had dinner, just the two of us. With as much as I enjoyed it I think back on it a realize I will never get to do that with you (Eli). I get to see all the picture of all the babies of all the girls that were pregnant the same time I was, and when I look at them all I can think is that is how big you would be, or I could be doing that with you right now. It seems so unfair sometimes that those things got stolen from me. That I will never get a chance to experience that with you. I know deep down in my heart that God has much bigger plans for you, but it is so hard at times to be ok with that. I know that it seems so selfish of me to just want you here with me.

Becoming an aunt has been such a blessing, I could not be happier for my baby sister, but that day in the hospital. Being back at the place that you passed away. The last place that I got to hold you and kiss you killed me on the inside. It still kills me. There were so many things that were hard that day. I hated seeing my niece, your cousin that you should have gotten to grow up with laying there with everything hooked up to her, not knowing if she was going to be ok. I felt like I was just screaming on the inside to God telling him that I could not see another baby die like you did. The happiest moments that day; was the fact that I knew you were with her laying in there… I knew in my heart that she knew you… That God was with us knowing that our family could not go through that again.

And the greatest moment was that night, spending time with your dad. Just him and myself, and going to get your name tattooed on us…. I get to look at you name everyday as a reminder that you are here with me. That you have a bigger purpose one that I may not know right now, one that even when I do know it will still be hard to except because I would rather have you here, but one that I know will make a difference in the world…

Eli, know that I love you more then anything on this earth and that I will live everyday of my life protecting your memory. I will never forget your face, or how it felt when I held you and kissed you. Know that nothing will ever replace you that you are a very special little boy…. and that your memory will live on forever….

It’s been a Long Time

I know it has been a long time since I have wrote. So many things have been going on in my life that it has just been hard to find the time for me hit down and write. I have been working so hard lately at getting my life strait and back on track (well as on track as it could be).

One of the last times we talk I was looking at jobs, that I could do to occupy my time. Well lets just say I filled up my time pretty easily. After being told that in order to have a healthy baby the next time I would need to get healthier my husband and I scoured the internet looking at every fitness and health program known to man. After lots of research we decided that we would like to be able to do both a workout program and a health one. We did not want to end up just doing a fad diet that was fly by night. We knew that this had to be a life change for us. Something that we could do forever.

We went with a company called Beachbody, most of you know them as the people behind P90x, Turbo Jam and many other programs. We chose one of their newer ones called Insanity, and believe me it is Insane. We have a custom meal plan for each of us, which we got through the club membership that we have, and we are drinking their shakes everyday called Shakeology.

About 3 weeks into working out everyday I started looking into becoming a coach through them. Just because I started to see the difference it was making in my life each and everyday. I have always been the type of person who wanted to help people, and by becoming a coach I can do this.

Below is a video of what is it that I am doing…

http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1

What we are about!!!

I have had amazing results myself with these programs these are my 30 day pictures.

If you would like to know more you can go to my webpage and check it out. It is www.beachbodycoach.com/nataliedowns

I have the strength to better my life and my families life only because of my son. Eli mommy is changing her life because of you. You are making me a stronger person each and everyday because of you I am beginning to find out who I truly am. I love you so much son. Through you I am going to help change this world one person at a time.

Mommy loves and misses you more and more each and everyday.

I’m still here

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am still here. I’m in the process of spring cleaning my whole house. Once it’s done I will start writing again on a more regular basic.

Taking Back Control of My Life

So many things have changed in my life since Eli went to be with Jesus. From the way I look at life to the way that I go through my day. After something like this happens to a person; I often have found myself feeling like I have lost control of my life. Something that I had never felt before. I have always been someone who had so much control of everything that was going on in my life. After losing a child it is normal to feel like the control that you have is gone. I am changing that, I am taking back my life.

On Monday my husband and I both decided to make a lifestyle change and take better care of our bodies. Not only by working out but also my eating healthy. We started a Beachbody work out program called Insanity. If there is anything I can tell you about it is that the program is truly Insane. 

I always thought that I was in pretty good shape… not the greatest pretty pretty good. After being pregnant for the second time I became really aware of how much body fat I really had on my body. It was one more thing in my life that I realized everyday that I had lost control of. 

It feels so good to be taking control on my life right now. Only one week in I can already tell a difference; not only in my body but in the way that I think and feel about myself. I am becoming not only a much healthier person but a happier one as well.

 

Many of us (parents who have lost a child) know what it is to fall. We know that the feeling that you will never get back up from this is an awful feeling that we would not wish on our worst enemy. The feeling of rising above everything that has happened to us and turning it into something good is one of the best feelings in the world. I am challenging my readers to get up and get out and do something, anything. Don’t just do it for yourself do it for that little baby, do it in there name.

Take control and change your life. It will be worth it.